I don’t know what it’s about the
darkness that intrigue me, as the sun goes down The Thinker in me rises up to
juggle up that big head & pool it’s content to fill up my hunger for
writing. Tonight it echoes a not so distant past to run my last post towards
the finish line.
Ah!
What a time that was, still lights up my eyes remembering those days. It all
started in the senior year of my school life; I have had a few crushes before
but none was strong enough to move my soul. Our first meeting was such a lame
one that I don’t even remember the most of it. The oldest I remember of her was
of a summer’s evening, she called upon a mutual friend of ours and I accompanied
him as a courtesy, as we approached rendezvous point, I saw her laughing her
guts of with her friend in the middle of the road. I guess that was the first
time I felt attracted towards her but I merely acknowledged that. When it comes
to the female section my mind works slower than a snail taking a walk in the
park. Maybe this was the result of boy’s convent education or an incredible
joke by the almighty all I know is that even after this huge flaw I managed to
grow my acquaintance with her into a close friendship. We would spend our day
together and our nights prating. Sometimes I thought I was too casual, sometimes
too intense and lurid, sometimes I crossed some lines and sometimes behaved in
a way I never thought I could. I don’t know what it was, till date I don’t know
but when I popped out my feelings to her and as to my expectations she made her
excuses (what I didn’t thought of was her crying over my
shoulders) I was hurt not in a non reacting way
but in a manner that made me more violent than usual. I did some pretty insane things
some of which I wasn’t capable of doing before but it subsided after a while
and I returned to being myself at least as much of me as I could muster. But my
heart wasn’t at peace, how could it be - I broke many strings of my ethics on
that proposal, and the thought that kept bugging me was why the hell did she
cry? Did she like me? If yes, then why say no. If no, then why cry? My mind was
bursting with such density of question because of my search for logic that it
kept crashing from time to time and I would go back to being a injured Lion (weak but violent). After many efforts from my friends and a long time I brought my mind
and heart both back to a state of sanity. But those hurtful feelings are still
there buried deep down and cold, and those questions are still unanswered even
after we became friends again (Yeah that happened, it was
hurtful but she came I couldn’t refuse, perhaps a story for another time) not as close as we used to be but in
essence still that strong.
Whenever I share this peculiar story
of my life with someone they say it must have been an infatuation, I strongly
disagree and so do hundreds of teens. May be someday we will see our affection
as infatuation but today even when all is at peace we look back and see our
LOVE we classify that as love. Whenever we see them, even today a ray of hope
touches our heart that may be someday or somewhere we will be together.
Sometimes I see, hope or imagine (Call what you might) that she see’s us together too, but
with these relief also comes a tornado of old feels which are as dangerous as a
charging bull but I hold on and survive, because I believe “No matter how hard it is, but if you hold on it will all be worth it
in the end.” On that sentimental note I let the thinker in me sleep and
hope that the next post comes up with something more cheerful for my readers.
Regards,
Rahul
(Feedback Appreciated)
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